Pills, scares and effort

Not much has change since last time. I'm still tired.
Still feeling all over the place about everything.
My doctor told me to take some pills at night to "calm me down" but so far nothing...

Also me and the boyfriend got proper scared last week during sex.. well after.. but yeah. I'm still scared. Special 'cause I can tell that my body hasn't recovered from it... Like from my boobs (that are bigger and over sensitive!) to my period (my flow is just too low) Plus I'm now on the pill
And maybe my fatigue is about this ( ahah I wish)

The problem is still the same. It's like all I said means nothing! Always asking what's wrong, always answering I don't like to feel ignored, always get ignored anyway.
I didn't try to keep the conversation going yesterday and you know what happen? We barely talked! And then he asked why... WHY?! REALLY?! YOU DIDN'T NOTICE YOU STOPPED REPLYING?! For course not.. I'm not one of his friends and I'm not the damn game, why rush and try to reply as soon as possible? It's just your girlfriend why would you make an effort?
And today was more of the same... Only this time he is actually with his friends so he's all happy not even thinking about me.. "fck her.. I'm with the boys now" because is really hard to text you know?! It makes you miss like 1 minute of the conversation.. like wow!
Always feeling like number 2

And I have barely slept this last few night.. Waiting for him to go to bed and always getting up so fcking early... Can't pass the "meh I'm shit" mood all day and night.