Wow... Has been a while!
This past few months have been kinda wild!
A few more fight.... I caught myself thinking that maybe it woulf be better just calling off and break up. More time that it's healthy... I just.. Don't know. I enter a hole where I can't see past being a shit and that I'm ruining him, myself... This a dark place where I can only see the bad things. Why keep fighting when I keep having impulsive behaviours and going nuts over nothing? Why you he stay in a relationship with a basket case? It's not fair... I can't control myself... I just... Don't know.
I started smoking 3 weeks ago. It's not healthy (surprise, surprise) but the little dizziness feel kinda nice. Wish I could keep smoking but people (aka boyfriend and parents) would kill me so...yeah..